Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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