Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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