he shaved USA in his pubs
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
