All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
