btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
