This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
