I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
