My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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