Grow some girl-balls and come out already
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
