census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
