At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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