its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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