I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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