you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
