I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
