i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
