To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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