I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
