Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
