I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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