she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
