Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
