she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize