Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
