Your face is a jimmy john
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
my being single is dangerous.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
