life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
