DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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