My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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