Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
