I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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