Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I miss vodka workout Fridays
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
