Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Randomize
