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no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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