Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
