Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
