So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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