did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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