my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
