How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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