After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
