Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
