omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i just made my gag reflex go away.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
