I met the friendliest cop last night
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
