Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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