and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
