I faked an abortion last night.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize