Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
We're too hungover to prance.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
