I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
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