Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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