FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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