He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
