Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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