Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Randomize
