I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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