tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
