i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
