I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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