Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
