yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
