You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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