Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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