break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
