totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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