We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
